Sweet Shot Tuesday!

My baby girl Emma Grace <3

I am the mother...

Inspired by Fiona2107.wordpress.com

I am the mother who lets my son eat fudge rounds, donuts or a smoothie for breakfast, just so I know he ate something before school and preventing an argument by trying to get him to eat something more nutritious.

I am the mother who doesn't care if he wears sweatpants, elastic pants or shorts all year round because the pockets on jeans hurt him and sends him into histarics.

I am the mother who doesn't care if he still wants training wheels on his bike at 8 years old.

I am the mother who will let him spend hours on the computer watching youtube videos with Mario, Sonic or Thomas the Train because it calms his mind and his body.

I am the mother that worries about her little girl having the same issues one day.

I am the mother who will be at the school demanding to see the principal and won't take no for an answer.

I am the mother who will seek out a childs parents if they keep telling my son "I will be your friend if..." and then my child get hurt in the end by letting someone "borrow" his toys, eat his lunch, get his tooth knocked out from a ball being thrown at him, etc., etc.

I am the mother who feels guilty that I have to work and can't take my child to school everyday and pick him up.

I am the mother who has an incredible, loving man, but wonders deep down if he will ever truly understand the problems Blake faces and has and if it will pose a threat to our relationship going to the next level.

I am the mother who lives off of caffeine.

I am the mother who tries to take control over things that I truly have no control over.

I am the mother who bought the boy a $20 star wars lego watch because the normal driver of him to school was sick and he had to ride the bus (which he hates because of bullies).

I am the mother who is so stressed that I have no clue which way to turn next and will forget anything that is not in the calendar or blackberry.

I am the mother who has spent many lonely, sleepless nights crying just to think about what my child has to endure everyday and what the future holds for him.

I am the mother who's heart breaks when her child says "I am a bad boy, I am a bad brother."

I am the mother who gets mad at herself and cries because I took, "Oh, he'll grow out of it," or "It's just a stage" when I knew deep down something else was different and wrong and now we missed out on early therapy and interventions that could have been helping him years ago.

BUT...

I am the mother of 2 very awesome, caring kids.

I am the mother who will live without so they can have.

I am the mother who wishes she could be more resilient like her son and let people's words and actions just bounce off and not be worried about again.

I am the mother who wishes people truly understood my child and could be more compassionate to him.

I am the mother who vows to spend every last breath I have researching for help and a cure for Aspergers and SPD and to end bullying, especially in schools.

I am the mother who thinks a smile and a hug from my children are worth a million bucks.

I am the mother who cries when my child tells me his feelings instead of acting out, because this is a small breakthrough.

I am the mother who fought with her sister when they were younger, but would give ANYTHING to have her not living 800 miles away now. The one person I can TRULY say loves the kids and doesn't judge my parenting skills. My best friend.

I am the mother who doesn't quit.

I am the mother who loves to sit with him and look at his scrapbook over and over and over again to remind him what a special boy he has always been and always will be to his mommy.

I am the mother who loves to hear them laugh. It means more to me than money could ever buy. Money doesn't buy happiness, but sometimes time does.

I AM THAT MOTHER!

Awesome ETSY find...

I love ETSY!! I have been looking for some labels that won't wash off of Emma's cups when we send her to daycare or the church nursery. I kept writing her name on her cup with a Sharpie, but everytime I washed her cup it would fade off. Not anymore!! I stumbled across this shop and this is a really reasonable price for you momma's needing labels for your childrens bottles, cups, etc... Take a look! 30 labels $11.99 and free shipping!

CAROLINE'S LABEL SHOP!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/abivens2?ref=seller_info

Dishwasher Safe Labels - 30 labels - Free Shipping

From abivens2

On the line...Part 2

the rest of the story....

so, where do we go from here? I have put in numerous hours of research into different supplements that are suppose to be comparable to what he is on now. We are now in the process of cutting his dosage of the Risperdal and titrating him off of it altogether. We have started introducing Melatonin. The first night at 4mg and it took about 2 hours before he fell asleep. The second night we increased it to 5 mg and he didn't fall asleep until 3:30 in the morning. I wonder if his body is just use to the high dose of medication to fall asleep? Either way, I know it is going to take his body some time to adjust. I am also getting him and Emma both a weighted blanket. I have heard such great reviews from people using them.

So far, the change in teachers/classroom has helped. He is a little more comfortable. He has had just a couple of instances when things didn't go his way. Last week, I had to make a trip up to the school because Blake got home and I called like always when I know he's home with my brother, to see how his day went and come to find out, some kid in PE punched Blake's tooth out. Blake was pushing the boys arm to get his attention, he wanted someone to talk to, and the boy told Blake he was bothering him and then PUNCH. This is NOT OK!!! I guess good thing is, it was a baby tooth and not a permanent one. What REALLY got me was, the coach didn't call, the teacher didn't call, the nurse didn't call, no email, no phone call, no letter sent home! This made me hit the roof. I can't remember when I was this angry. The nurse gave him a bag for his tooth. I made my way up there the next day and Blake and I had a talk with him. I was assured he would get to the bottom of this and of course, I haven't heard back...yet! =) I am calling this afternoon to find out what is going on. At the visit with the Principal, we found out a kid in Blake's class has been begging Blake to share his lunch with him and "he'll be his friend." I so wish Blake could understand what it means to be taken advantage of. All he wants is a friend. A true one.

About two weeks ago, I happened to talk to an old friend that I went to high school with. Her daughter has SPD, but she is leaning more into the Aspergers world now as we have the Aspergers, but seeing more of the SPD symptoms now. She shared with me the OT and ABA therapist that she used before the Army moved them and I called last week and we now have an appointment with the OT/ST this coming week. I really hope this is the open door we have been waiting for. Blake needs this. I want him to have some sort of being comfortable in his own skin feeling. I filled out the sensory checklist and was amazed..to say the least. It seemed like I checked 100 or more things. Maybe what I am learning from my blogger mama friends and their lives with their Asperger/SPD kids is opening my eyes to a new world for Blake. One I didn't know was out there. So, till appointment time...........

Wordless Wednesday!

Doing what she does best...eating :)

On the line....Part I

Wow, what a crazy week it's been.

As, I sit and ponder over it all, it's starting to all make sense. I won't lie and say I don't feel guilty for not recognizing things sooner for Blake. Now, the more I learn and see symptoms, I am acutely aware and find myself watching Emma like a hawk for anything. At times, I see beginning signs of the same things Blake did. BUT, at 17 months, is it a baby thing she's learning, maybe at daycare, is she growing out of it, or should I immediately ask for referral to a specialist and try to catch everything much earlier than I did with Blake. I think the main reason I missed a lot of things with Blake is because he was so sick much of his first 2-3 years of life. 8 hospitalizations for dehydration secondary to reflux giving him pneumonia and him immediately not wanting to eat. A fundoplication at 2 years old and immediately, medically, he was "fixed." Not one hospitalization since that surgery and no more problems with reflux, no medications. He was above target for his age. He could read by 3, talked good (fast, but understandable), loved to ride a bike (at the time), had (still does) a photographic memory and could tell you how to get to his favorite places. Sensory is everything I missed and I could kick myself for not realizing was a problem at the time. Very particular about his foods, textures, loud noises, eye contact, fascination with legos and Thomas the Train, all the stimming...bouncing, spinning, flapping, eye blinking, hitting, running into things, furniture, tantrums, not realizing danger, sun sensitivity...I could go on and on, thing is, I just thought all kids were different and he was like that because of being sick all the time when he was younger and now having to catch up to everybody else and he was on overdrive.

Preschool came and that's when I got the bombshell, something WAS different. The teacher suggested it was ADHD. Paperwork was filled out by myself and the teacher. I didn't take it in to begin with. I didn't want to hear news that my child, my whole heart, something could be wrong. I could tell by his handwriting and him never wanting to touch a pencil, it was going to be very challenging. During the summer before kindergarten, our pediatrician sent us to a psychiatrist for "testing." His testing consisted of asking a few questions, looked at the paperwork both the teacher and I did and said he has Aspergers and ADHD. Didn't say, we need to see a psychologist for testing or anything, just here's your diagnosis and here's 3 prescriptions. Talk about shock planet!! I don't remember driving home that day. I had never heard Aspergers at that time, no explanation of what it was, was there a cure, what the options were, just diagnosis and prescriptions.

What that doctor didn't know, is this momma isn't a here do this kind of momma. I am my child's only advocate and I'm not just going to throw him on some medication and take the easy way out without checking on the side effects. I did finally agree on letting him go on medication for ADHD so he could do well and learn at school. 5 medications later, we finally found one that agreed with him. His concentration got better, he was able to pay attention more, but outbursts, irritability and sensitivities continued. He was still not sleeping at all at night, so we agreed to try him on medications for this short term. It has helped him to sleep, calmed the tantrums some, BUT he has bad stomach problems (aching, constipation) from it and has gotten some worsening of tics (eye blinking, stuttering) associated with side effects from his medication. UGH!!! Poor fella. I just want what's best for him, in the here and now and in the long run. I have been thinking of taking him off of the night medication, but didn't want to take him off cold turkey and throw his system into a major fit. That would not be good for him, for me or I am sure for people he was around.

Part 2 next.....

Medications vs. Supplements

Can someone shed some light into what worked best for your Aspergers child? We have and are on some medications now, but I am VERY interested in trying some natural supplements now, due to some of the side effects Blake is having with the medications.

Thanks Aspie families!

~Lisa~